* I will Eat Your Babies, B*&^%!

Freakin' watch this and despair... (you only need the to get through the first minute til Martha starts clicking and salivating like Hannibal Lecter talking about Fava Beans and Chianti)



We haven't hit Halloween yet, so its a little early, but I plan on doing this with somebody's child for Thanksgiving this year. (Sus? Sarah? Either one of you want to volunteer your youngest?)

Hilarious Commentary Here:

*Title taken from an Episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".

Reminiscing About Mega Man

I was never a massive video game kid and I'm not a video game adult at all. My parents wanted me to be outside. So I didn't get a game system til I was 14 and by then I was beginning to be distracted by so many other things: Having a car, looking at girls, getting a job, and sprouting pubic hair (I was seriously late to develop.)

So it didn't really "take" like every other kid's marketed addiction. Thanks Mom and Dad, you helped me dodge THAT bullet.

But because its my birthday, I'll reminisce. I remember having to rent a Nintendo for one birthday party because all my friends had them and my parents didn't "love" me. I was overjoyed when I was at least allowed to go to Willard's Video in Rising Sun and rent one and pass it off as my own. Then, my birthday party came and no one except me wanted to play. Me sad.

But after much begging, my parents finally caved and bought me a Nintendo instead of a rifle. And for those couple of years before I got a driver's permit, I REALLY dug the MegaMan series of games. It was just so simple in its premise and there weren't all these secrets and codes and extra rules like a lot of the other games. Which is generally what I want... KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid.

Well, apparantly Mega Man 9 was just released and by all accounts, the glory days of the franchise are back.
It made me think of all the cool and not so cool Robot Villians that the hero faced over the first 7 installments. Here's a review:

Mega Man Mania: The Robots of Dr. Wily

My fave was probably Gemini Man... who could split himself in two and shoot crazy Gemini Lasers at you...


Do you have a favorite? Or were you the type who thought Mega Man's weak single action Mega Blaster gun and lame jump height were a reason to choose Contra instead?

For My Birthday, I want to give Shoutouts... and be a ______.

Yesterday, I did my three of my favorite things for my birthday, which is today...

A. Recreational Deceit and Prevarication
B. Talk to a Good Friend Across the World
C. Laugh Heartily

It went down this way...


My friend Jessie is in Bethlehem (the original) with her husband Trey doing Racial and Cultural Reconciliation between Israelis and Palestinians. Despite this obviously demanding task that requires them to be away from friends and family in a somewhat hostile and definitely stressful environment, she remembered, as she does every year, to wish me a Happy Birthday. Yesterday, she IM'ed me from across the Atlantic, saying "Happy Birthday One Day Early!"

Being the _____ (insert appropriate derogatory title here), that I am, I decided to give her a hard time and tell her "Thanks so much. My birthday was Monday the 6th, but thank you." Lying through my teeth. And she saw right through it. She knows me well enough to know that this is the kind of stuff I try to pull all the time. She didn't believe a word of it.

So after going back and forth for a while and arguing that she must have me confused with Bill or Amy or other folks she's got in her Google Calendar who are born in October, I finally feigned indignation and told her that I would go back in my emails and find proof that she had been wishing me Happy Birthdays for years on the "correct" date of the 6th.

I searched my inbox, found an email, changed the dates and the content of the message to back up my story. She bit, hook, line, and sinker. I convinced her.

When I finally revealed my lie, and graciously admitted that she was correct in wishing me a Happy Birthday for the 8th, she was so mad she started IM swearing at me in an amalgam of Arabic/Yiddish/English. The tirade was completely indecipherable and I laughed and laughed and laughed. Good times.

Anyways, I don't feel bad, because I'm a _______ (insert even more appropriately derogatory title now that you've read the story). But her being concientious enough to remember my birthday all these years did remind me of how awesome she is and how great the work that she and her husband are doing.

So, for my birthday, loyal readers, go check out their blogs:

The Middle of Nowhere

and

O Little Town of Bethlehem

Let them know how incredible they are. Let them know how much you miss them. Or if you don't know them from Adam, just let them know that what they're doing matters. They're both so ridiculously friendly and open that you'll probably make a life-long friend.

And of course, watch Jessie stick her hand up a Goat's vagina.

Justify this Purchase

Awesome. On Saturday, for my birthday, Rach and I are going to check out a few Archtiectural Salvage places I've been meaning to get to: Re-Store, Provenance, and Architectural Antiques.

I don't know what we'd do with it, or where we'd put it, or how much it costs, or where we'd get the money, but I want this:






Maybe we could use it as a new kennel for Makai when he outgrows his current crate? Or it could be my new office? Or we could figure out how to retrofit it with a showerhead and put it in the basement bathroom? Coat Rack? Turn it on its side and use it as a weird coffin-like crib for some hypothetical future child?

C'mon, help me justify this purchase!!!

Conversations with Your House: 73 Lothrop St.

Back to talking about houses, I thought I should give a plug to this column in the Beverly, Massachusetts paper that references an amazing house in New England.

(Full Disclosure, this column is written by my cousin-in-law. But awesomeness runs so deeply in the blood in our two respective families that if I wasn't willing to give a shout out to members of my clan(s), there wouldn't be many people left to give a shout out to.)

Anyways, the house is incredible. And while her whole dream of ownership of said house relies on an imaginary friendship with Elizabeth Shue, she definitely has all the imaginary details worked out. Here's my favorite quote from the column:

-And then because she is a famous celebrity, she'll buy it and sell it to me for a dollar, and the house will become ours- with an account that Lisa [Elizabeth Shue] will set up to cover taxes- and let's throw in heating bills while we're at it.

Good call, Esther. But don't forget to have imaginary negotiations to cover the costs of legal fees for any time you want to change a lightbulb in a historic mansion. And just so my readers don't think that all I ever do is crib other people's writing, here's a brief conversation I would have with 73 Lothrop, imagined using the Grandmother character, Harriet, from John Irving's "A Prayer for Owen Meany":

Me: KNOCKING.

Harriet Lothrop: Good evening. Welcome.

Me: Hi, I just wanted to see you and find out more about you.

Harriet Lothrop: Of course, good sir. Would you join me in my parlor for tea and crumpets?

Me: Oh, yes. I love strumpets.

Harriet Lothrop: [Disapprovingly] Crumpets, dear. Strumpets are ladies of the oldest profession.

Me: Oh, sorry, my bad.

Harriet Lothrop: [Disapprovingly and with a dismissive gesture to the parlor.] Yes, your bad, indeed. Please have a seat.

Me: [Crouching to sit on the antique sofa] So, how long have you...

Harriet Lothrop: Oh, no not there. That's an antique.

Me: [Moving to the Victorian Wingback chair by the fire] Here?

Harriet Lothrop: No, that's much too precious a family heirloom.

Me: [Turing toward the Ottoman] Here?

Harriet Lothrop: No, that simply won't do.

Me: How about I just sit on the sidewalk outside?

Harriet Lothrop: That would be perfect. Have a pleasant night.