It takes a 1500...

I started reading this article from Slate about the whiny fastidiousness of NPR listeners, or more accurately the whiny fastidiousness of NPR listeners who write into the station.  I followed one of the links to this 10 minute NPR interview with Ke$ha.

 The most important fact that I can convey from this morning's research is that Ke$ha got a 1500 on her SATs.

1500* 

I would incredulously act shocked that this is a hair better than my SAT scores, which I don't tout because I think it makes me smart, I'm just a ridiculously good test taker.  I actually think there are brilliant people out there who scored much much lower, but they're just not good standardized testers.  But if I was to incredulously state such a thing, it would put me in the same camp as these snooty NPR letter campaign writers, who put themselves far above the gutter workings of shiny pop culturedom.

What I find so funny about this is how easily we look at "art" and transcribe the critique of the piece onto the artist themselves.  Which is not to say that Ke$ha is or isn't an "artist", or that her "work"  is worthy of critical merit or isn't.  You can debate that fact over a Pinot Grigio and free range cheese plate at your local oenephile watering hole, but I'm not getting into that here.   Its just that people look at the pop product produced by a Jay-Z, or a Alan Ball, or a Joss Whedon, or a Lady Gaga,  and place value and worth on the person's humanity.  What makes "Dirt off your Shoulder", "True Blood", "Dollhouse", or "Born This Way" fitting indicators of these people's genius?  They're pop artifacts as well, but of a different subject.  Yet, these folks are esteemed for their creative and empire management prowess.  But create a piece that is dedicated to the art of funjoy and influencing others to surrender themselves to it, (which I believe is actually a complicated emotion/action to orchestrate), and the masses cry out "to avoid this sort of stupidity". 

"The party don't start til I walk in."  Indubitably, Ms. Sebert, Indubitably.

*That's in the 99 percentile.  She did not state what she got on the Math vs the Verbal.  My guess is that she's probably pretty equally left and right brained and scored similarly on both halves.   Of course, all of this is dating me tremendously as the SAT has been three sections and based on a 2400 max possible score since 2006.  But I guess its dating Ke$ha** as well. 


**Hmm.  Dating Ke$ha would be odd.  Fortunately, I don't have a beard.

Thrunday- Raj Collins

So among the developments in recent months has been the healing of a deep seated rift in my marriage to my wife: namely, how to throw a party together.

We both knew that we loved to be hospitable. Its one way in which we love to love people. But the primary issue is that I am an extreme extrovert who values short shallow relationships with a lot of people all at once and my wife is a deep introvert who values actual meaningful relationships with a few people for an extended period of time. Left to my own devices, I would throw a massive party with 100 people barely fitting in our home with drinking, reveling, music, etc where I didn’t have to talk to any one person for too long about their new boring film project on the oppression of the indigenous population of Galamaharis in West Skeda… Zzzzzzz...

My wife on the other hand, would lean toward an intimate gathering of two or four friends on an occasional basis, but one where she could really dig in and ask them how they FELT about the new cell phone ring they’ve chosen.

 We finally struck upon a perfect compromise. The third Sunday of every month we host a happy hour for all sorts of friends and neighbors from 5-7. For her, its perfect because she can mingle but also hang with her closest friends who make it a point to be there every time. Since it is a monthly event and it has a limited time frame, it strikes the perfect balance of getting to connect with people deeply but not be overwhelmed with being “on”. For me, its perfect because I can invite new people every time and they mingle and take care of themselves for two hours. I can feed them good food and drinks for less than it would cost Rach and I to go get two cocktails a piece at the local watering hole. We have taken to calling the event “Thrunday”. (Yes, phonetically and etymologically it isn’t a perfect contraction for Third Sunday, but it rolls of the tongue and sounds vaguely medieval.

Anyways, we had a good bit of gin in the cabinet for yesterday’s Thrunday and I was itching to make these Samosas that I found online. (PS, excellent.  But put in half the peas called for and I cooked up some frozen diced potatoes instead of the mashed.)  So, an Indian Theme emerged. And I spent a little of Sunday afternoon coming up with a new cocktail, the Raj Collins. (I’m sure you can put two and two together.)

Here’s the recipe:

The Raj Collins**

Raj Collins
Super Fine Sugar
Garam Masala
Lemon wedge
1 oz fresh lemon juice (about ½ a good sized lemon)
1 Tbs Ginger Simple Syrup (Recipe Follows)
1 ½ oz Gin
Club Soda
On a plate, mix 1 part Garam Masala to 4 parts super fine sugar. (3/4 tsp Garam Masala to 1 Tbs Sugar). Run a lemon wedge around the edge of an Old Fashioned or Low Ball glass. Dip in sugar mix and swirl to coat. Add 1 oz lemon juice to the glass, 1 Tbs Ginger Simple Syrup, 1 ½ oz. of Gin. Handful of ice, top with club soda, and give ‘er a stir with a spoon.

Ginger Simple Syrup:
You could use powdered ginger in this recipe, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Its much better to make a quick ginger syrup with ¼ cup of sugar, 1/8 cup of water, and three 1” diameter - 1/8” thick slices of ginger. (I always buy bags of fresh ginger, peel it at all with a spoon edge and slice it into pieces of this size. Freeze it on a cookie sheet before sticking it in a ziplock and you’ve got fresh ginger for months.) Anywhoodle, put all that stuff in a little saucepan, bring to a boil while stirring, turn down to simmer for 5 minutes. Strain out the ginger and let cool.


** I should also note that we seem to have lost our camera. So for now, I’m stealing other people’s pictures from the web and photoshopping them. Don’t tell anybody. We can’t afford a new camera AND legal fees.

Cynicism and Toddlers

I know, cynicism (my blog's middle name) and adorable toddlers don't usually go together. But COME ON, this is cute. (Here's the explanation.) And it's my one online nod to the Phillies parade, which I must admit was a great time. I may not be a huge baseball fan, but I'm a ginormous Philadelphia fan.


Since the little boy is the son of my friends Heather and Sean, I'm entitled to let down the facade I usually stand behind to mock children mercilessly. Will was shown on Good Morning America this morning and apparently he's going to be on Ellen Degeneres at some later point.

And now back to your regularly scheduled cynicism. Which of course includes this:



HAHAHAHAHAHA, stupid melodramatic pre-teen girls having hissy fits. Whew. Felt good to get that off my chest.

* I will Eat Your Babies, B*&^%!

Freakin' watch this and despair... (you only need the to get through the first minute til Martha starts clicking and salivating like Hannibal Lecter talking about Fava Beans and Chianti)



We haven't hit Halloween yet, so its a little early, but I plan on doing this with somebody's child for Thanksgiving this year. (Sus? Sarah? Either one of you want to volunteer your youngest?)

Hilarious Commentary Here:

*Title taken from an Episode of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia".

Reminiscing About Mega Man

I was never a massive video game kid and I'm not a video game adult at all. My parents wanted me to be outside. So I didn't get a game system til I was 14 and by then I was beginning to be distracted by so many other things: Having a car, looking at girls, getting a job, and sprouting pubic hair (I was seriously late to develop.)

So it didn't really "take" like every other kid's marketed addiction. Thanks Mom and Dad, you helped me dodge THAT bullet.

But because its my birthday, I'll reminisce. I remember having to rent a Nintendo for one birthday party because all my friends had them and my parents didn't "love" me. I was overjoyed when I was at least allowed to go to Willard's Video in Rising Sun and rent one and pass it off as my own. Then, my birthday party came and no one except me wanted to play. Me sad.

But after much begging, my parents finally caved and bought me a Nintendo instead of a rifle. And for those couple of years before I got a driver's permit, I REALLY dug the MegaMan series of games. It was just so simple in its premise and there weren't all these secrets and codes and extra rules like a lot of the other games. Which is generally what I want... KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid.

Well, apparantly Mega Man 9 was just released and by all accounts, the glory days of the franchise are back.
It made me think of all the cool and not so cool Robot Villians that the hero faced over the first 7 installments. Here's a review:

Mega Man Mania: The Robots of Dr. Wily

My fave was probably Gemini Man... who could split himself in two and shoot crazy Gemini Lasers at you...


Do you have a favorite? Or were you the type who thought Mega Man's weak single action Mega Blaster gun and lame jump height were a reason to choose Contra instead?

For My Birthday, I want to give Shoutouts... and be a ______.

Yesterday, I did my three of my favorite things for my birthday, which is today...

A. Recreational Deceit and Prevarication
B. Talk to a Good Friend Across the World
C. Laugh Heartily

It went down this way...


My friend Jessie is in Bethlehem (the original) with her husband Trey doing Racial and Cultural Reconciliation between Israelis and Palestinians. Despite this obviously demanding task that requires them to be away from friends and family in a somewhat hostile and definitely stressful environment, she remembered, as she does every year, to wish me a Happy Birthday. Yesterday, she IM'ed me from across the Atlantic, saying "Happy Birthday One Day Early!"

Being the _____ (insert appropriate derogatory title here), that I am, I decided to give her a hard time and tell her "Thanks so much. My birthday was Monday the 6th, but thank you." Lying through my teeth. And she saw right through it. She knows me well enough to know that this is the kind of stuff I try to pull all the time. She didn't believe a word of it.

So after going back and forth for a while and arguing that she must have me confused with Bill or Amy or other folks she's got in her Google Calendar who are born in October, I finally feigned indignation and told her that I would go back in my emails and find proof that she had been wishing me Happy Birthdays for years on the "correct" date of the 6th.

I searched my inbox, found an email, changed the dates and the content of the message to back up my story. She bit, hook, line, and sinker. I convinced her.

When I finally revealed my lie, and graciously admitted that she was correct in wishing me a Happy Birthday for the 8th, she was so mad she started IM swearing at me in an amalgam of Arabic/Yiddish/English. The tirade was completely indecipherable and I laughed and laughed and laughed. Good times.

Anyways, I don't feel bad, because I'm a _______ (insert even more appropriately derogatory title now that you've read the story). But her being concientious enough to remember my birthday all these years did remind me of how awesome she is and how great the work that she and her husband are doing.

So, for my birthday, loyal readers, go check out their blogs:

The Middle of Nowhere

and

O Little Town of Bethlehem

Let them know how incredible they are. Let them know how much you miss them. Or if you don't know them from Adam, just let them know that what they're doing matters. They're both so ridiculously friendly and open that you'll probably make a life-long friend.

And of course, watch Jessie stick her hand up a Goat's vagina.

Way To Normal: An Early Review

Ben Folds put his whole album, Way to Normal, up on Myspace yesterday... here's a track by track breakdown as I see it...


Hiroshima: **** stars
A good opener to the album, although I wish a "studio" version was recorded, although I get the point of the live feel. I'm still singing Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh every morning in the shower, which the neighbors must love.

Dr. Yang: **** stars
Bfolds reiterates that this album is just going to be a piano stool throwing good time with this track. The piano solo in the middle is the stuff that makes me think music students will be studying him in 20 years.

The Frown Song: ** stars
There's something unfortunate about this song, perhaps either the disconnect between the melodies of the verse and chorus. Or perhaps its the squealing synth.

You Don't Know Me:*** stars
As good as when it first aired. Which is mighty good... Still think Hiroshima wouldv'e been a more exciting single.

Before Cologne/Cologne:*** stars
I appreciate the studio version for its refocus on instrumentation and melody. But the DVD/fake version (still available on the myspace page further down on the player) that was leaked early is more fun for its "over the top" miasma of melodrama.

Errant Dog:** stars
I think this is the album's first mis-step. Seems more like a Ben Folds Five lost cut from an early album.

Free Coffee:* star
The definite nadir of the album hits at the exact center of this song. Well, 1 minutes and 24 seconds in. Then things begin to move forward and upward again. At least the experimental song is audibly a little more appealing after that, even if not a good style fit for BFolds.

Bitch Went Nutz:** stars
Again, the leaked version (still available on the myspace page further down on the player) was frankly more fun and comic. This is pretty good though.

Brainwascht:*** stars
Picking back up in quality, Bfolds produces a classic melody. This one is definitely better than the leaked version (further down.)

Effington:**** stars
I think this is still an experimental song, pushing the boundaries of where Bfolds has been, but with exciting results. Its not an "anthem" like the other 4 star songs, but it pushes the energetic desperation vibe beautifully.

Kylie from Connecticut:**** stars
Another solid tragic story told by Bfolds. I'm going to group this with Mr. Jones and Carrying Cathy in the list of songs that make me wish Ben was a painter too.

Ultimately, I had hoped this would be as good as Rocking the Suburbs which I still contend is a religious experience. But I think it exceeds Songs for Silverman which is still high praise. I hope I can get my hands on the fake tracks...

Update: The Myspace player has been rearranged but the list above is the actual album order. Not that anyone really cares about this post.

Rods and Cones

I know, the title sounds dirty. But no, this time I’m talking about the bio-structures in the back of your retina which process and understand color. Apparently, they’re called rods and cones, and apparently women have more of them then men. Thusly the scientific reasoning behind women making distinctions between colors better than men. By extension, this is the argument behind women knowing how to dress better, making better interior design choices, and being more racist than men.

Oh, calm down, clearly I’m kidding. (Or am I?)

Anyways, back to the point, I cry sexist bull&*^%. At least between Rach and I, I think I have the better color acuity. I think Rach has higher olfactory and tactile and taste sensitivity. And I think we’re both as deaf as doorknobs. So this is not another one of those common occurrences where I think I’m awesome at everything.

But I see colors better. I just know I do.

So I was very excited to find the following practical test online which is completed by arranging the subtle hues along a spectrum to determine how much your eye can differentiate between colors.

I challenge everyone to a color-off… I got a 0/100 which is perfection. But then I forgot to hit print screen to verify my awesomeness and the best I've been able to do since is a 4. So, I'll stick with that. Apparantly I struggle a little bit with the blue range of colors. Which isn't going to help my argument of what shade of blue we should paint the kitchen, but overall I still rock.

Suck it losers.

Report your score below.

Xrite Color Test Here

Aargh

HOLY CRAPATHON! I forgot.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day is TODAY, Sept 19th!

AARGH.

For anyone in Philly, I know there's an event at the Rum Bar off of Rittenhouse to celebrate happy hour of ITLPD.

And I just checked the TLAPD website and found all these other great events too:

Philadelphia - The Pirate Guys themselves travel to the City of Brotherly Love for a special Talk Like A Pirate Day appearance at The Franklin, as part of the museum's events surrounding the Real Pirates traveling exhibition from National Geographic. Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket will be in Philadelphia Sept. 17-21, with a Talk Like A Pirate Day reading/performance at the museum from 6-8 p.m. on Sept. 19, and makin' stops at other pirate gatherings around town as time permits. Keep a weather eye out!

Philadelphia - "As a history teacher I am taking my students to the Franklin Institute in Philaldelphia Pa to see the exhibit about the WHYDAH. A pirate ship found off of Cape Cod. I am going decked out with eye patch and head gear. After work its yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, then its on to the wench to shiver me timbers. Ahoy and may you never find your self in Davy Jones locker"

Philadelphia - Independence Seaport Museum celebrates Talk Like A Pirate Day with the closing film in its summer Starlight Cinema series, the classic Bob Hope pirate parody "The Pirate and the Princess." In honor of the date, everyone dressed like a pirate gets in free; there'll be a best-dressed pirate contest, free pirate snacks and tattoos (temporary, we think), and heaps o' pirate fun.

Philadelphia - And in still more Philadelphia pirate news, the crew of the tall ship Gazela, moored at Penn's Landing, will be in full pirate regalia for TLAPD. After storming the Independence Seaport Museum (see above), they'll have the ship open until 11 p.m. for late-night pirate ship tours.

Cologne

Also, just because I'm so excited about the simultaneous album release and my learned ability to embed*, here's Ben's Official video for Cologne...



It's the video every melodramatic pop song should aspire to:
Weird Euro-Variety Show Mockumentary**.

*I know I'm dumb. Thanks.

**Also, aside from the obvious cat lady, my favorite part is the two random children. I think it may actually be my niece Mitchie and my nephew Jimmy.

Ben Folds at the Mann

Quick review...

Not put off by Hurricane "Heeanah", Tim, Carolyn, Rach, and I went to see Ben Folds play with the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra on Saturday at the Mann... To be honest, the show was a little short for my liking, but C made the good point that we were paying an entire orchestra for the same price as a normal concert ticket, so you really can't complain about that. I guess.

Otherwise, completely awesome.

He opened with "Zak and Sarah"... here's a similar clip*** from when he played with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra...




Our sound** was not quite as good as the above clip, (understatement) but the view was great and we knew the songs by heart anyways. Except for a few new ones which are definitely going to rock when "Way To Normal" comes out on Sept. 30th.

And he encore'd with "The Luckiest" which was Rach and I's wedding first dance song thingy*. Not many people get to hear their song in a situation like that... Here's another clip***:



*If anyone is considering that for their first dance, let me just warn you ITS REALLY FRICKIN' LONG. Pretty and meaningful and blah, blah, blah, sure, but tell your DJ to cut that off at like 2 minutes 30 seconds. And that's not just me talking, Rach was bored to tears. I mean, she says that she was crying because it was our wedding day, but let's be honest, I was the giant blubbering idiot all day long, so I'm not buying it...

**Also, Dear Mann Center, seriously, fire the interns you've gotten from Larry's Sound Technician Day School for Troubled Youth and hire a professional please. This is the second time we've been burned by you. You DO NOT want me to put you with The Electric Factory in the category of places I will never again spend my concert budgetary allowance.

***Look Ma!, I embedded video!

Updates and Ice Cream Sodas

Buckle up...

We've narrowed our dog names down to two, neither of which are on the poll above, but we're not going to reveal the pick until a few days before the puppy is brought home so that the vetting process (get it? vetting?) can be complete and we don't accidentally pick a name that means "I hate people with special needs" in Swahili or something which would be highly unfortunate because we've spent a lot of time debating various names with family and friends which of course has lead to many a discussion of children's names which we're simultaneously not ready for and also have picked out much to the chagrin of people who kept trying to recommend names for our dog that we've already pre-reserved for our hypothetically dreaded children (and please don't get all huffy, a lot of married people fear children because kids are like a nylon leash which yes, comes in a multitude of exciting primary colors, but ultimately restricts your movement) WHICH brings us back to dogs and the naming conversation which reminds me that whenever we talked about a dog name starting with "J", I of course had to nix it because of my speech impediment which would invariably bring about my sister's response of "I wanted to name a daughter Hannah, but then I married a guy from Rochester, who pronounces it "Heeanah" so that was out the window and we named our daughter Blair" which frankly I thought was kind of awkward given that Blair was sitting right there and is certainly going to have an identity complex now, but as a result, I'm definitely imagining it'd be a good weekend to be a fly on the wall at their house because Hurricane "Heeana" is currently bearing down on the east coast, which if we weren't going away tonight and going to an awesome Ben Folds with Full Orchestra concert tomorrow (make sure to listen to the Hiroshima clip, you'll be singing "OH-OH-OH-OHHHH" for the rest of your life), would mean that we would sit around watching our last disc of Scrubs Season 3 and doing Dr. Cox impersonations (which is what this rambling run-on post is supposed to sound like, or at least should sound like in your head there, Katrina (see what I did there? since Cox calls JD by girls' names) while drinking Old-Fashioned Ice Cream Sodas, which surprisingly few people know about, but trust me, they're awesome.

Ma Barker's Ice Cream Sodas:

BIG glass
3 Tbs. Choc. Syrup
3 Tbs. 1/2 and 1/2
Vanilla Ice Cream
Seltzer Water

In the bottom of your BIG glass, mix together chocolate syrup, 1/2 and 1/2, and a splash of seltzer water, making sure to get all those chocolatey bits off the bottom. Add several scoops of ice cream until you're just 1/2" inch below the top of the glass. Fill with Seltzer water, giver her a good stir, top off with a hair more seltzer and maybe a drizzle of chocolate syrup on top.

Enjoy.

Dining Room Before

So, I've been accumulating a few posts, and this biting arctic eve seemed like a good time to take a break from sanding and upload some of these ruminations.

Below, gaze upon the diner la pièce before any labors commenced... In addition to the glaringly overt paint hue concerns, everything above the chair rail (including the ceiling) is wallpapered which needs to be dislodged . We have to refurbish all the woodwork to get a satisfactory finish. There will be plaster reparations. Then, we can get to the enjoyable allotment of repainting.



Furthermore, here's a few of the secondary undertakings we hope to also include in the overall enterprise:

Retreading the radiator finish;

Reconditioning the buffet;

Rewiring the sconces;

Buffing and servicing the door hardware;


Now, if my words seem abundantly eloquent or the articulate nature of my orations seems unnecessarily loquacious, it's because I have to convince myself that I'm not losing functional gray matter due to the fact that DANCE WAR***: Bruno Vs. Carrie Anne** is on TV in the background.

I swear this is the beginning of the End Times. This TV writer's strike is anathema** to me.

Footnotes:
*New Testament meaning, not original Greek, you linguistic freak.
** Also, who the frick are Bruno and Carrie Anne?
***Wouldn't it be awesome if the situation in the middle east was a Dance War? Just imagine, tonight on ABC, "DANCE WAR: Shiite Vs. Sunni. Is this a Just Dance War? O r has the Dance Surge been effective?"