Discipline and Leftovers

Rach is off tonight at an event titled "Stitch and Bitch". Assumedly, she's learning to knit while simultaneously complaining about my tendency to use the "dish" sponge rather than the "dirt" sponge to clean up the dog's pee off the floor. (In the moment, can I really be blamed for not taking the time to analyze my sponge options? Is this mess sponge-worthy? I don't know. I'm under the "Sponge is self-cleaning school of thought", regardless of what science may say to the contrary.)

Anyways, both activities should be a good form of release for her.

With my night, I spent a good bit of time playing with the dog, not that he gave me much choice. But now he's finally gnawing on something, possibly my ipod, on the floor, and I can get to my original goals for the evening. Which included downloading messages from this awesome Acts 29 site. I'm going to load them on the aforementioned ipod and listen to these guys get all exegetical and whatnot on my way to work. Hopefully listening to sermons will also curb my impulse to swear at SEPTA employees under my breath.

I had also planned to write some new blog postings, but alas its already late. I'll just repost something I wrote for Liberti a while ago, since this particular posting is already Jesus related and we are officially in a recession now. Duh. Whatever, here it is:

Discipline and Leftovers

Discipline for most of us is somewhat of an ugly word. I grew up in a church where unspoken rules that didn’t line up with Christian freedom were imposed. As a member of the church, there was a specific checklist of duties and disciplines that had to be fulfilled on a regular schedule. It didn’t matter how you felt about worship, reading the word every night, prayer, speaking with your neighbor about God, or giving money in the offering plate on Sunday. You did it. These are all good things and things that we’re commanded to do, but were done, at least in my heart, without any joy or feeling.

So when I grew up and started attending a student fellowship at college, its no surprise that I didn’t want that rigid structure to be part of my walk anymore. I went to church when I saw how much praise God deserved. I served the church when I felt moved by God. I read the word when I needed God’s comfort. I talked to others about my relationship with God when I could see him moving in my life. And I gave my time, energy, and money to God when I had enough to spare.

The problem is that I usually didn’t have any to spare after another taxing project, the celebratory late night at the bar, and the money used to buy a couple rounds of beer.

Well, eventually I graduated. I moved to Philadelphia. I got an internship with more “normal” hours than I’d had at college. I had a decent salary. But still, the mentality of giving God what was left when the feeling struck me remained.

I’m the king of impulse buyers. Probably the worst cases are my love of food and my love of giving presents. The people who know me best know that I cannot be trusted to only buy the items written on the grocery list. I can’t be trusted to order a reasonable amount of food at the restaurant. And you are a lucky man or woman if I draw your name for a Christmas exchange.

I live from ATM receipt to ATM receipt with a vague notion of how much debt is on my credit card every month. As bad as that sounds, my paycheck would more or less cover my expenses. I always had enough to pay the rent and the utilities. Sometimes, I’d be a little over, sometimes a little under. But I never had any leftover for God. Sure, I’d occasionally put a $20 in the basket. But I’d just as easily spend that on coffee or an extra sandwich during the week and have nothing come Sunday.

So when I started coming to Liberti, it must have really been God moving my heart when I thought, “I’m joining this community, this group of people. I should really tithe to the church.” I didn’t particurally want to. I’d grown used to the lifestyle. And perhaps more importantly, I didn’t know how I was going to give a tithe to the church when I was breaking about even as it was. But I set up a new bank account for fixed expenses. I decided on an amount to give to the church, 10% of my net income, and had it deducted from my paycheck into this account. Automatically, the church gets a check from me every month.

This worked. To some, not a big shocker. Its called a budget with automatic bill pay.

What’s amazing is how God has shaped my heart AFTER I started giving regularly. God showed me how I’d been giving him the leftovers all those years. He gave me this great joy comes from offering him something first. In my new financial life, God doesn’t get shortchanged and he doesn’t get more or less depending on how hungry I am that month. And when my fiancée and I talk about planning our married budget, I get such joy from knowing that the first thing we give is to God. I started giving before he made me a joyful giver. And God has really shown up in the bottom line too. He’s provided me with more and more financially, and when I give to him, I still am able to pay all the bills and eat well and somehow be generous with the remainder.

I still play a lot of games with God when it comes to being disciplined with money. There’s far more that I can give and I make a lot of excuses to him about why I can’t. I convince myself that God really wants me to buy another bottle of wine and the best imported cheese so that no one leaves unsatisfied. I am ridiculous about “praising” him for his creation of fried seafood appetizers. And if I am loving people by buying them EXTRA Christmas presents, how could God not want that? Ultimately all these things are about “my wallet” making people happy and making people approve of me. I’m confident that God is redefining that part of me too.

But, looking back, I think the biggest thing that God is doing here is showing me that discipline is not rigid or legalistic. Its about prioritizing who is more important and who is first, him or me. My situation, whether it be how much I have or how I feel about giving it, doesn’t determine his worth. And I know that he will continue to reprioritize my heart… with worship, prayer, fellowship, money, and everything else where he deserves the firstfruits. And I just want to encourage you all to switch your perspective. Don’t give God the leftovers. Give to him first and he’ll show you that you have a lot more to joyfully give.