It's me, Your Shower...

And now a new segment... Conversations with Our House

Dear Speaker of the House.

I know we've only known eachother a short while, less than a week in fact, but I wanted to call something to your attention. When you moved in on Saturday, I was excited that I would be getting to spray you with hot water while you sang Al Green songs in the buff. I mean, really, who doesn't want a piece of that? I think we can safely say that we both waited for the next morning's sunrise with eager expectation. And I certainly wasn't dissapointed... even though your range is like three octaves lower than The Reverend, you brought the necessary funk. And while you are a skinny mother, I can see that at least you don't have back acne.

So, I was hurt, both emotionally and physically, when at the conclusion of our session, you twisted my knobs way too hard. Something inside me broke. And I've been weeping uncontrollably ever since.

I know that you were trying to avoid these kind of issues so soon after starting a new life here, but you brought in on yourself. This is your mistake to fix. Please, please go to homedepot this Saturday to buy me some new knobs. And while you're at it, I could use some silicone tape in places to. I don't want to be going down some Janet Jackson-esque path and expose my threads.

Sincerely,
Your Shower

Dear Shower,
Its not you, Its me. I've never been in a relationship like this one before. Please forgive me.
Sincerely,
The Speaker of the House