Yes, I made a KICKASS salsa; Giant overflowing bowls of salsa that I would bring over to Rach's house on the ghetto-ish Girard Ave. and the girls would swoon.
"This is so *&^%ing good I want to quit my job teaching underprivileged children and sit around the apartment all day eating this with a spoon!", her roommate Becky would say.
"I don't care whether my sister and you are good for eachother, just marry her already so I can have more of this salsa!", her roommate/sister Kim would say.
"Mmm, mmm, mmm. Yo, white boys aint my thing, but you look sexy carrying that bowl of salsa", the old lady on the corner would say as I got off the bus.
"Hey there.", my then-girlfriend/future-wife Rachael would say. (She's very understated, but trust me, volumes were implied.)
Anyways, I'm confident that my salsa is the primary reason Rach stuck with me. And now that we're married, I don't need to cling so tightly to the secret, but can spread it around to those less fortunate.
The real secret is that there is no recipe. One can only taste your way through the salsa making experience allowing room for much adjustment as the individual ingredients vary through the season and from the source. It's a zen meditation thing, one best accomplished with a little "Morcheeba" playing in the background, especially "Big Calm" and "Fragments of Freedom".
But after repeated nudging, I went to Sue's Produce, sat down this weekend, and codified the recipe as best as I could.
Come Hither Salsa3 15 oz. Cans Black Beans (Goya Brand Preferred)
6 Large Slightly Under-ripe Jersey Tomatoes, Diced
1 Large Yellow Onion, Diced
3 Jalapeños, Minced.
3/4 Cup Cilantro, Minced
2 1/2 TBS or 4 Cloves Garlic, Minced.
1/2 cup Lemon Juice (Fresh Preferred)
2 TBS Red Wine Vinegar
2 TBS Corn or Olive Oil
1 1/2 TBS Kosher or Sea Salt
Drain and rinse black beans with cold water in colander. In Large mixing bowl (3-5 quart), mash one half of the beans into a mushy pulp. Preferably, use your bare hands. Add remaining unmashed beans, diced tomatoes, diced onion, minced jalapeños, minced cilantro, and minced garlic. (I've added links above for the best means of cutting/dicing/mincing for the less experienced.) Combine Ingredients.
Now comes the Zen Part. Get your best trip-hop on. Add lemon, vinegar, oil, and salt as needed. I've listed approximate quantities above but you may want to start with half of those and build up to the quantities listed as you taste.
Disclaimers:
1. This salsa is always made in big batches so I cannot vouch for what will happen if you try to do a fraction of it.
2. Be very careful of making this salsa if you are not intending to find a spouse. Even if you plan to sit at home and watch the evening news alone while eating the salsa, unintended spousal side effects may occur.
3. Like I said, there is no recipe. Except for the one that my sister taught me from Martha Stewart that started this whole thing, but I think mine has evolved enough to rename and claim.
4. Do not add corn unless you have been explicitly instructed to by the intended object of your affection. Suprisingly, my experience has been that corn is very divisive and could potentially undo the entire salsa wooing process. Fortunatley for me, Rach is very forgiving.
