A virus destroyed my work computer on Tuesday night. It was like something out of an early 90’s techno suspense thriller, “The Net” or “Fear.com” or "Untraceable". Yes, I know, "Untraceable" was put out last year, but it feels like an early 90's techno thriller, especially when Diane Lane, the FBI agent says, "He got inside my wireless network!" or "He hacked into my car!"
Anyways, I was surfing the web looking for home improvement blogs. I usually surf without fear because my office has anti-virus programs and spyware controls and firewalls and pop-up blockers and a whole host of other things I don’t understand completely in the slightest but in which I still put my faith.
I don’t know which site it came from, but suddenly an advertisement for buying authentic reproduction samurai swords pops up. Unphased, I clicked the “Close Window” button. Instantly, my screen goes white, and an alert on my desktop appears saying “Your computer is infected with the following spyware programs: Yousmelllikepoop.exe* and Dontforgettobrushyourteeth.exe*. Please install Antispyware XP 2008** immediately.
Now I’m phased. This was clearly bad news, but I didn’t believe the message on my screen. I smelled a scam. I tried to cancel through the Task Manager. I watched as the Task Manager fell apart before my eyes.I tried to Google research the scam. I watched as all the google hits were rerouted to erroneous websites. I pulled out the network cable to contain the infection. I tried to use Add/Remove Programs and watched as the virus tore me a new one.
Finally I called the tech support office employed by our office. The informed me that this virus is some new thing and it is NASTY. Apparantly Antispyware XP 2008 and all its associated programs have no cure and no virus protection program yet exists to block them. We could spend hours trying to rebuild things and would probably destroy windows in the process, or we could just wipe the computer clean and go back to factory settings.
Which I did. I spent Wednesday morning rebuilding. Fortunately all my actual files were on the server and unaffected. I just had to reload all my software and settings and plugins and lisp files and other things ad nauseum.
But it was really kind of freaky to be “attacked” that way and for it to look so much like a cheesy techno thriller where the geeky hero cries out “The hacker is calling from INSIDE the Server! They've breached the firewall. Get out of the server, get out of the server!!!!” I’m sure someone who knows anything about computer science is reading this and snorting their Red Bull with laughter. That’s kind of the point. I don’t know anything about this stuff and for all I know some villain could be overtaking my DVD player, my toaster, and my Electric Nose Hair Trimmer as we speak. Laugh if you will, but I’m unplugging them all before I go to bed.
*I don't remember the real virus names, but wouldn't those be disarmingly frightening names, like when an innocent looking kid comes up to you and says something childlike and simultaneously creepy? Like that one time Rach and I stayed at this bed and breakfast and the innkeepers little girl comes and talks to us at breakfast. Rach asks her, "Do you like having people stay at your house?" And she replies, "I can hear them up there". And Rach says, "You mean you can hear them walking around upstairs?" And the little girl says "No, I mean, I talk to the shadow people on the ceiling." with this wide eyed vacant stare and a smile. (shiver)
**But the Antispyware XP 2008 thing was a real name. Look out for that. I've talked to two other folks since then who got the same bug.
